This video is not meant to be viewed all at once, but rather by skipping around, tuning in to the various quiet moments I experienced so many times my first year postpartum.
The repetitive suction echos like a heartbeat as I carry the viewer through 4 different pump sessions in typical daily locations. Though this video is almost the length of a full feature film, it only shows part of the usual 7 times a day I would pump.
I pumped nearly 2,500 times in that year. The clear result is a relationship I formed with this machine. Tending to it and carrying it with me everywhere I went. Fierce competition for the babies themselves.
And all of this effort achieved a mere 38% of the milk needed for my twins. This video captures the loneliness and feelings of inadequacy in the face of immense effort.